ToxicYou run nails up and down my back and carve a hole through and pull out my spine[Didn't you know that was the only thing holding me up anymore?]Somewhere between yesterday and today things were broken in two, and not into a million pieces because I was hoping I could sew things back together along with my lips. That way these secrets would be sacred and asleep for the rest of my punctured lifetime.I don't have a skeleton anymore. I have a bunch of bones laying in the fire pit and as I watch strangers burn them for warmth I only wish that I could join them in the hell they're going through. I'd rather be dying in a city with daggers pointed toward me than living alone in a field full of butterflies and daffodils.I set my cards down and back out of this game tonight. I'm much too exhausted to gamble away the little luck I've managed to consume through a broken spine.
No, I won't sleep tonightEach day I get closer to death, and closer to being right where I probably shouldn't be.[Wrong in the mind, right in the heart.]These past few days have been a release from the bitter cancer that chipped at my bones. I know when it's all over I'm going to be eaten by parasites and appear thin and like a skeleton when really I'm filled with delight and secrets. Even if everyday I want to whisper honest words with a thoughtful heart. Sometimes, I don't even hold back the truth.If tomorrow I was beaten on the side of the road by hail that my sunny days rid, I wouldn't even recognize the chill. I don't register the icy breath I force out of my lungs when my mind is rushing events through these aqua eyes. My conscience is telling me to stop talking, and cease scratching ink words into thin paper. It's not strong enough to hold your tongue for you.[Living is the one thing you don't know how to do independently.]
With eclipses for eyesUnderneath the black light is where you see the red welts from lost times. Hidden beneath hipbones and tan lined wrists. And to tell you the truth, I was still beautiful then. But this is a poem for no one.She has eclipses for eyes, rounded and dark with a secret behind. She still has a number of secrets that you haven't cracked open yet. If only you could see that the key has been hanging around her throat the entire time. Just please, please don't break her? She likes the way her heart pounds with intensity for words she's long since believed. And if she believes such now, she might just crumble in all her secrets.
It's us, this big suspenseIf it's not meant for me I won't try my darling. I'll just watch the show from afar and smile when you get what you deserve because maybe, maybe if not me you can make someone else happy.Just please, don't forget me the same way I might forget you tomorrow's sunset.I won't lie today. About how I scream riddles at the oak tree planted beside my feet, giving a space to dream away. -Although I'm not making any promises about tomorrow.If it's not meant for me, I'll know by the way the wind tosses and turns my hair like your hand tussling strands. So playful, my dear. So playful.I just have to be careful with what I believe.
Into the nothingI take my days in black and white.Alone I am, standing in a puddle of light from the moon. I see my reflection and for once I can see why there's really nothing left to lose[except maybe a mother, a sister, and a boy].I'm not entirely smart, but I'm mischievous and I will break you in two. I can't say much for me at all, really. [Well, maybe I'm lying, but I can't remember.And when I can't remember that's when yourwords are prettiest.]I can't seem to make up my mind. The birds are chirping melodies that aunt sang to me when the broken were choked and distress caught us in a net. I've never wanted to be caught by filthy hands anyway, so go away.If I runaway I want to lead a parade full of skeletons[because hollow bones are the hardest to read].
Please, don'tI have a tendency to run in slow motion for a very long time. But today, I sit on my porch, and stare at the pale blue sky. It's not the same anymore. Nothing is the same anymore.I can't place my finger on it, but something get's me. I mean stops my previous thoughts and makes me realize that's a real smile on my face. A genuine smile. I take my energy like a sick man takes his medicine. Just for today I'd rather just rest, and be comforted with soft words and a warm blanket. I know that like everything, this sunset won't be the same tomorrow. I just don't want to waste my time for something that won't breathe into me sweet dandelion kisses like the sun.Tomorrow will be cold, and I'll have forgotten about the warmth in my veins. I don't want to lose the heat. I don't want time to continue on.[Remember angel, perfection is over-rated]
They all fall downSee that girl with the brown pig tails and eyes of gray? The one who's smiling widely, mind nervous, hands jittery, and toes pointed? She's lying to you.She doesn't want to be just anything. She wants to be warm, and have a little luck. But tomorrow keeps getting closer and although she said she'd forget, she hasn't, and there's only a few more hours left before the season starts and she loses her strength.(and when one building block falls down, the all come tumbling after)She already knows, so stop waiting and tell her, because the only thing she has left is her patience. - what's your excuse?
Swing sets and sandboxesHere is where I have nothing else to say.Where, the skies are blue and clear and home smells like fresh water, and raspberry blueberries down the dirt path.But I have nothing else to say.